On one of our yoga retreats we talked about our goals/desires for the future. I expressed that I do have lofty “out there” goals but I don’t believe enough in me to apply myself to reach them. That little voice in my head starts talking. The one that says: I’m not good enough! Who do I think I am to think that I can achieve that? That’s what other people do, you’re not strong, committed or dedicated enough. You’re not pretty. You’re too fat/thin/short/old. When it comes down to it I lack confidence in myself. Now, it’s time to turn that sh!t around and start building confidence. So, I was pretty stoked to get my hands on a free copy of the e-book “How to be Confident – The 60 day guidebook to better confidence and self-esteem” by Spear Rhett. Just in time for my Hawaii vacation reading too!
The spark of building confidence
My journey to confidence started in October 2017. I had spent the better part of 3 years not being happy with my job as a personal trainer. Not loving the “workoutwithdi” branding that I’d built for myself (website, social media, youtube channel). Why? Because it wasn’t who I was anymore. My passion had shifted. I guess in website terms they call it “niching down”. I no longer wanted to be workout with Di, because I was struggling to align my actions with my values. When my friend Michelle suggested I use my name for my website. I balked. Horrified. Sure, I already owned the domain. But… that meant not hiding anymore. Being Di Hickman and having my name up there for all to see means people would actually have to get to know me. The real me. And yet, here we are.
Ever been self conscious and a well meaning friend tells you “just stop caring what people think”? Yeah, that’s not helpful. Now I think you’re judging me too. So I stop telling you how I feel. I have always been an introvert but in school even moreso. Add in hormones and the usual cliques teenage years are a nightmare. Things get better as you get older but those wounds stay there. A particular one of mine was a nick-name ONE BOY gave me: Betty Beetroot. Sounds harmless enough. But when you already turn beet-red at the THOUGHT of reading aloud, someone calling you “betty beetroot” doesn’t help at all. Thankfully the name didn’t stick because I refused to rise to the bait. I had some self- worth. Just not a lot.
Better with age
There have been numerous times in life when I felt unheard, invisible, and uncomfortable. But too self conscious to speak up. Why? Because I’m ALWAYS afraid of what others will think. Things did get better as I got older. Now my brain is usually in a constant battle between ‘shut up, don’t say anything, they’ll judge you’, and “they’ll judge me anyway! So what?”. How do I get the latter to win? By self-study. During my last year in yoga teacher training I learned many of roadblocks to my goals, dreams and desires were from lack of confidence.
How to be Confident?
When I got the “How to be Confident” book I immediately downloaded it to my iPad as I knew I’d be on vacation soon and it’d be a great read for the lazy afternoons, and plane journey. The author Spear Rhett an alternative healer, and teacher originally from New York write well. Her self proclaimed mission share practical tools create a coherent, fruitful, and meaningful life. Your best life ever! Serendipitous. I’m in!!!
60 day guidebook to better confidence and self-esteem
Rhett wastes no time and jumps straight into the WHY. “What is your motivation for building confidence?”. Oh boy. In each chapter has a series of questions to answer, observe, and take action on. The whole 60 day program covers journaling, posture, healing shame, body opening, risk exercises, and implementing the practices towards a short term goal. One of my a-ha moments from the book was in chapter four. In this chapter were the words that hit me like a brick.
Caring about what others think, is giving your power away
Chapter four was a tough one for me. Accepting who I am flaws and all. Because accepting and loving who you are, gives you power. In chapter five I’m pretty sure Rhett drew out all the “play it safe” lines from my brain because I related to every single one. Taking risks is a huge NO for me. I prefer to play things safe, because then I can’t be wrong or fail. Taking my RYT and giving a presentation was a risk. Heck writing most of this blog post is a risk. Moving forward I have to get out of my comfort zone, and take risks.
Confidence = Self Care
For the longest time I’ve put myself low on the totem pole. I don’t spend quality time (let alone money) on myself. Everything else would come first, despite me telling clients to put themselves first. Thanks to the book I’m seeing a correlation between self-care and building confidence. Since reading the book I’ve signed up for a wellness program at a local massage parlor and have monthly massages. I gave myself a pedicure (baby steps). Plus I am fully embracing the #mefirst movement, putting MY needs and wants before that of clients and classes (boundaries).
Although I’m still working through the book it’s helping me realize I need to be ME. Unapologetically. I need to love myself. Unapologetically, warts and all. I need to stop caring what others think because it gives MY power away. I let that happen, not them. As I near the end of my 60 days I’m at the setting goals phase. As I look through my list of short and long-term goals. I chose one for immediate action steps. Something I’ve been promising my yoga class members for a while. YouTube videos and blog posts.
Accountability: Moving forward expect 3 blog posts and YouTube videos a week. Monday – Meatless Monday; Wednesday – Yoga related; Friday – wildcard. I may do more, but not less! I’ve got an editorial calendar, a plan, and I’m fired up to work through the final 19 days of this building confidence program. If you wanted to buy the book use the code: LUCKYDAY for 50% off.
Do you have confidence or self-esteem issues?
What is your biggest dream?
What are your tips for building confidence?